2006/03/29

Japanese Porn

Ahhhh... Japanese porn, probably the best type of porn there is. Only in Japanese porn, can you watch your most perverted fantasy come alive on screen. Except for child porn of course. (Death to pedophiles, save our children!) I think the reason child porn is not such a big problem in Japan is because Japanese women look like girls anyway. You can find porn where adult women look like girls and actually make it half-way believable unlike the American crap where women who look past 30 wear pigtails and a skirt. You're not fooling anyone, lady, so back off and put some bras on those sagging breasts.

Plus, if you really want to have sex with high school or even middle school girls, you can do so by paying massive amounts of cash (I believe in the thousands of dollars range). There's even a word for this in Japanese: 援助交際. In general, you'll need more cash the younger your tastes are. So I guess, sex with minors IS a big problem in Japan but for entirely different reasons; namely, the fact that some Japanese girls are willing to sell their bodies for Chanel bags and expensive jewelry. (What kind of parenting are these kids getting?) In any case, at least in Japan, they get gobs of cash instead of being totally gyped with cheap toys or whatever the pervs are using in other countries.

Anyway, to get back on topic, I have to really wonder about the (adult) girls in Japanese porn. Where do they find these people? What kind of lifestyles do they have? And most importantly, where can I meet them? No really, I would love to have a conversation with a Japanese girl that does porn. It'll probably be one of the highlights of my life.
Me: So um... what'd you do last weekend?

Her: I had to wear this school girl uniform and have my hands tied behind my back. Then 20 men took turns cumming on my face while another guy was doing me from behind.

Me: Hmmm... (nodding philosophically) ...so how was that?
Man, Japanese porn sure is crazy. I wonder how in the world you get a girl to agree to do some of the crazier genre of Japanese porn. A popular fantasy is that they secretly like it but I kind of doubt that somehow... I wonder how much they get paid?

2006/03/09

Actually no, please DON'T post everyday

I googled around for advice on how to increase traffic to your blog and I swear, every page on the topic includes the suggestion that you update your blog as often as possible, preferably at least once a day. This presents a huge problem for me because honestly, who has that kind of time besides losers? I'm way too busy doing other loser activities like playing games and writing useless crap on message boards. There's only so much loser activities one can do in a day, you know?

Anyway, I think it's really sad that the blog audience (a bunch of drooling lunatics driven to insanity by their mind-numbingly boring jobs) favors quantity over quality. I mean, if you're writing crap that you can just bust out everyday, why should I take my precious time to read it? Unless blogging is your full time job or you're totally obsessed with it so much that you spend ALL your free time blogging, a new post everyday from the same person only tells me one thing: it's crap. Here's a sample of the type of post that I really love to hate:
I just found this interesting site. You should check it out. (link)

Translation:
Hi, I'm a moron with no original content so I'll just make this lame post for the sole purpose of annoying you. I really should have just put up a direct redirect so that you could've skipped my pointless dumb site entirely but then I wouldn't be retarded which means that I wouldn't have written this dumb post to begin with. (link)

My solution is that people stop writing crap everyday and have everbody use RSS feeds. That way you don't have to go through crushing disappointment time and time again checking for updates only to find out that I was too lazy to fix my blog up with more word crack. (Yes, I think I just coined a new word to describe my writing: word crack. It's so good that you might as well be taking crack.) Plus, I don't have to feel guilty when I neglect my blog for months because I know that as soon as I post something, the horde of readers hanging onto my every word will know right away via the feed. The main problem why this will never happen is the name: RSS and those stupid, stupid, super-tiny XML icons. Whoever invented that name and/or icon should be shot. Really Simple Syndication, what the hell? Is that supposed to make sense to me?? It sounds like some kind of global crime organization! And simple, sure! All you have to do is click on that tiny icon that doesn't even look clickable, go to a cryptic page displaying xml and be like, "What the fuck?!" for like 10 minutes. And if you're smart enough to google around to figure out what that shit is, then all you have to do is copy that url into your favorite feed reader. That is, once you figure out what one is and actually find one that you can use. Almost as easy as whipping up a forward-chaining, self-balancing, b-tree search algorithm with pruning. And no, I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

My suggestion? Change the name to "Site Update Notifier" or something. That way, I can be like, "Oh I see, this doohickey notifies me when the site is updated." instead of all, "I don't know if I really want to join the syndicate..." Plus, we also need a way to inject feeds direcly into your brain so that you can get your word crack fix directly with no delay.

By the way, in case you're wondering, this post took me over three years of meticulous work to write. Before I even had a blog. Amazing, huh?

2006/01/27

H-games and changing genders

I started playing this H-game called "X-change" after downloading it from Kazaa (the lite version of course) because watching regular porn got old and I thought a new medium of porn would spruce things up. I have only played one other H-game so far because they were practically impossible to obtain in the States and the fact that paying money for those things seemed ludicrous to me. Until very recently, the only goods my budget would allow were pizza and alcohol.

Now, with the wonders of modern technology, I can download a small selection of old games, pray that they aren't viruses, and try them out for free. Anyway, in this game, you play a character that turns into a girl. Being the type of game that it is, I'm sure your character will go through the standard fare of sex, fetishes, rape, etc., but I can't really say because I just downloaded the thing last night.

The idea of this game appeals to me, because ever since reading Ranma 1/2, I've been interested in the whole "turning into a girl" fantasy. I should clarify that in my case, it would entail turning into a girl who's also a lesbian. Just so you don't get the wrong idea.

I have a hunch that a lot of guys share this same fantasy. If you find beautiful women incredibly attractive and stimulating, isn't it natural to want to become that same thing? I think the allure is in the power that extremely attractive girls have over us guys. Occasionally, I would see a random woman on the street that is so attractive that I'm instantly fascinated by her: who she is, what she's doing, and most importantly, how can I get to know her? In a situation like on a train or bus, I have to make myself stop from staring at her the whole time.

It's fun to think about what you would do if you with this kind of power.

The whole fantasy, of course, completely neglects the realities of being a women. First of all, it goes without saying that nobody wants to turn into an unattractive female. And of course, there's the whole thing with the bleeding every month, pregnancy, creepy guys coming onto you, and who knows what else. In real life, I'm quite happy being male, thank you.

You can read a review of the game at somethingawful and here is a screenshot of the game (not work safe). Yes, probably the first thing I would do if I turned into a girl.

2005/12/21

鬼嫁日記

Well, with the end of the year approaching, it seems like all the dramas currently playing on TV are coming to an end. For instance, 「鬼嫁日記」 (Demon Bride Diary) ended yesterday night. But the blog from which it was based is still going. I enjoy reading the blog much more than the drama. (I only watched it twice) What I don't understand is how can he reproduce these conversations he has with his wife so accurately? Does he carry a tape recorder with him everywhere? I think this is another example of "creative writing". Of course nobody cares as long as it's entertaining.

2005/12/16

Why do people keep blogs?

Keeping a blog with regular updates is a lot of work. And yet there are thousands of blogs, a majority of which is a waste of space on the internet. And since space on the internet is essentially limitless, that's saying a lot. So why do all these people, including myself, spend so much time and effort on blogs?

The only reason I started this blog is so that I can become famous and live the rest of my life unemployed, subsisting on profit from advertisements. My daily schedule will consist of getting up sometime during the afternoon, writing up some crap in my pajamas while scratching my balls, and spending the rest of the day doing whatever the hell I'd feel like (which essentially means playing StarCraft all day until my eyes fall out). You could probably guess from my previous post (which has unfortunately disappeared and I'm too lazy to rewrite it) that this would be the ideal lifestyle for me. (Though my girlfriend will probably never allow it. Girls... sheesh.)

In the end, I think this is the secret ultimate goal of all bloggers. They're just too sissy to admit it.

The problem is that most popular blogs have something to offer that attracts visitors whether it's useful information, intriguing commentaries, or amusing anecdotes. So what do I have to offer that could be of value to the internet community at large? Well, going by the title of my blog, it's evident that you won't find any valuable information here. In fact, I will go out of my way to make this blog as pointless as possible (for instance, by posting what I'm writing now). And since I don't know shit about anything, you can forget about intriguing commentaries or any of that "smart talk". As for amusing anecdotes, most people create those by engaging in "creative writing" about the daily going-ons in their lives.

For instance, if you went on a date and watched a movie, you might write, "i picked up this hot chick at the club. then i made her blow me in the toliet til i came all over her face man!!!" Unfortunately, I don't think I'm cut out for "creative writing" especially since I have a nasty habit of capitalizing the first letter of every sentence and spelling out words completely.

I guess my only option is to post naked pictures of my girlfriend... Or at least give the impression that I will so that I can trick you into coming back.

2005/12/15

What\'s Tokyo like?

I remember when I used to wonder what Tokyo was really like when I started learning Japanese. I am guessing those who have never been to Tokyo probably imagine cell phones everywhere, girls in school uniforms, and some temples here and there. Well, if you add the fact that there\'s a vending machine and convenience store in just about every street, I\'d have to say that pretty much sums it up.

I\'d also have to mention that Tokyo is huge and not just in size. The city is packed with all sorts of stores, restuarants, office buildings, parks, etc., you get the picture. Imagine a Manhattan the size of Los Angeles and you\'ll get the picture.

If you would really like to get a feel for what Tokyo is like, check out 龍が如く for the PS2. I haven\'t actually played the game myself (yet) but from the demo, it looks like you can walk through an amazingly accurate portrayal of some of the busier neighborhoods of Tokyo. The game appears to be available only in Japan for now so I suppose you\'d have to buy it as an import and own a Japanese PlayStation or mod chip. Here\'s a page about it in English.

2005/12/08

I'm sorry but your blog sucks

I was browsing through some random blogs using the blogspot toolbar and man, I just have to say, most blogs are pieces of shit. They were all either incomprehensible, boring, crazy, or a combination of the above, Another thing I found out is that middle-school kids are fucking CRAZY. They are also apparently not bothered by incredibly small font sizes or the fact that the font color is almost identical to the background which incidentally is the ideal color for rendering blindness.

I want to take this opportunity to make a few humble requests to my fellow bloggers about writing blog entries. I feel comfortable writing this because I know nobody reads my blog. So feel free to flame me in my comments, you nonexistent person you.

1. Nobody cares what you had for breakfast
If you are about to write about anything you actually did in your inevitably dull life, please spare the internet and stop writing. Most people's lives are so boring I honestly don't know how writing about it doesn't make them fall into a coma. Does this sound interesting to you?
Man, today was a shitty day. I had a midterm today but I was totally unprepared. But I got to hang out with John today and we had a blast!! Man, he is so totally kewl!
If you must write about your pointless life, at least embellish it with some exaggerations or even better just straight out lies preferably involving lots of hot women, sex, and pictures.

2. We are not all blessed with super bat-vision
In other words, some of us old-fashioned folks can't read the screen by using ultra-sonic sensors or whatever the young folks implant in their grotesque cyborg bodies nowadays. So please be considerate enough to use a large enough font and muted colors.

And OMG, why won't people realize that if the color of the text is the same color as the background, you CAN'T SEE SHIT!
Do you enjoy reading this? If you do, you seriously need some therapy.

3. Most people are reading your blog for the first time
I hate reading blogs for the first time and thinking, "What the fuck?" If your blog format requires reading the past entries, at least indicate that somewhere on the front page. Otherwise, each post should be comprehensible by themselves.

2005/12/06

I'm loyal because I'm lazy

As a fellow heterosexual male, I understand the desire to have sex with all sorts of attractive women. I'm sure if I had the god-like power to instantly have totally consequence-free sex with any women I want, I'd probably use it like every other day. But in reality, with all the hassles and risks required to have sex with different people, I'd much rather stick with my girlfriend, because it's a one-time investment.

I'm not even tempted to try to cheat not only because I love my girlfriend, but also because I'm too lazy to spend the time to find and sweet-talk a women into having sex. And who knows what sort of problems you'll dig up by meeting more women? I got a crazy and angry 5-page email from a girl I just met for dinner twice! God knows what kind of crazy emails and phone calls I would be getting if I had slept with her.

In fact, most times, I'm too lazy to even have sex at all, what with all the removal of the clothes, putting on of the condom, the thrusting, and the works. Sex is actually a lot of work, if you think about it.

In the end, would I like to have sex with lots of women? Sure, it would also be nice to have a million dollars. But am I willing to put in all the necessary work? No. Plus, if you consider how crazy women are, I think you will agree that in this case, laziness might be the smart way to go in the long run.

2005/12/05

Asian Fetish... what is it?

What is Asian fetish and where does it come from? Looking at the Wikipedia article and the discussion page which is several times longer than the article itself, it seems the true definition is very much up to debate.

First of all, the biggest problem is that Asia is the largest continent in the world. But from my understanding, Asian fetish primarily applies to the East Asian population such as Japan, Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, etc. Anyway, I think we all understand what kind of women applies to an Asian fetish and Russian women definitely do not fall in this category.

That brings up another question. Can you have a fetish for Asian men as well? My guess is that you can but actual cases are so rare that we can assume pretty much we are talking about Asian women. In other words, in general, Asian women are considered hot while Asian males are considered to be nerds. As an Asian male, I used to think this was unfortunate but ever since I developed an Asian fetish, it doesn't really bother me anymore.

But wait, if you're Asian, can you have an Asian fetish? One argument is that you can't because it's your own race but I think if you're fixated on a particular race, it still a fetish, no matter what your own race is. I don't care. I'm not ashamed to say I have an Asian fetish. Because by god, are Asian women hot!

Here's some food for thought. Why is there no "White Fetish", "Indian Fetish", or "Black Fetish"? I think the only reason the term "Asian fetish" came about was because Asian women are just so damn hot. I should write this in the Wikipedia entry: "Asian fetish is the mental state of not being able to resist the inherent hotness that is embodied by Asian women."

Don't get me wrong, there are ugly Asian women as well, lots. And oh, can they get ugly. But whether it's standard deviation, mean, whatever, I think women definitely have a statistical advantage in hotness.

I think the only reason why most Americans don't know this is because of the way Asian women are portrayed in the media. Or rather how they are not. At all. Everyday, I see so many hot Asian women in the streets. Not to mention all the hot girls in magazines and advertisements. What do people living in America get? Lucy Liu and Zhang Ziyi?? Puleeeez. I see prettier girls almost every day. If all American males were required to spend some time in an (East) Asian country, I think the general population would be more understanding of why some people are so obsessed with Asian women.

2005/11/25

The gift of anonymity...

I used to think that I could write whatever I wanted on my blog and it wouldn't matter because it was my opinion and nobody else's. Plus, I strongly believe that actions spoke louder than words so who cares what I talk about on a blog. I foolishly thought that those close to me would judge me by how I acted in real life and would disregard anything I wrote in my blog as more of my silly gibberish. I was wrong.
I no longer wanted to deal with so this secret blog was born.

My name is Mr. K. As you can tell, I am male, and this is yet another pointless blog. If you know who I am, I might have to kill you. And don't fret, I'm sure there will be plenty more cliches to come.